So Tired

It's just about 9:00pm and I'm almost ready to crawl into bed with Ange and watch a few episodes of Scrubs (Season 5) before falling asleep. I am so incredibly drained of energy tonight it's almost a little scary.

Things this week have been very hectic so far- and it's left me completely drained- physically and emotionally. Driving back to Calgary from the Valley on Monday was literally like rush hour on any of Calgary's major roadways- wall to wall traffic. We even slowed down to under 50km/h on one stretch of highway because of congestion! Complete insanity.
Tuesday I started my new job- and after two days, it's been an emotional rollercoaster. In many ways it isn't like what I expected at all- I miss not coming in and sitting down to write software, and the complexity of the network my new company runs is far above my previous comprehension of networking. I have moments where I'm convinced I won't be staying long- that I'm not good enough. and should go back to my old job, doing what I knew and loved. Those moments come and go, and I've had some serious anxieties about various aspects of the new job- especially answering the phone. Huh!? To most that sounds like something that would cause the least amount of stress in a new job- but after the anxiety I felt after working in a call centre as tech support a few years back, I can't say I'm all that shocked. But that anxiety goes deeper than just talking on the phone. Networking (the computer kind- not people, although this statement sometimes applies as well) has never been my strongest area with computers. I'm a 'software guy'- I prefer to create and design as opposed to assemble and administer. My extent of networking has been largely limited to home and small office networks- nothing like the juggernaut at my new job.
But things have slowly begun to subside- I answered a few phone calls today, and I've learned a fair bit about network routing protocols. I have a tendency to let my brain run in overdrive and get the best of me. But today I took some positive steps forward- and already I feel a little more confident.
The people in my office are pretty cool- the guy I'm specifically working with is a 'hardware guy' to the core and very well versed in computer hardware and networking. Him and I have sat and killed a few hours in the last few days just chatting about various computer topics- and usually I just sit there and try and comprehend what it is he's saying. I have very much to learn, but he has told me he is more than willing to share his knowledge and teach me. In a way he's becoming my 'networking sensei'. I'm still not ecstatic about the job the way I was when I started at my last job- but things have changed, and this is a very different position for me. Today was a positive step- and tomorrow I will continue to learn and tackle new challenges.

But tonight, we haven't done much of anything. We sat and caught up on Heroes (thank God for PVR's) and Robot Chicken, but the nasty weather outside has contributed to feeling rotten overall- although a poor appetite and getting less than 6 hours of sleep the past few nights, and allergies, and the mental strain of the new job, among other things, hasn't helped either. Hence, that's why I'm crawling into bed now.